bitter OR better

How do you create a happy life after an affair? That is exactly what I have been able to do and I believe it is possible for everyone, whether they stay in the marriage or not, but it will definitely take some time and some hard work..

When this kind of a negative change takes place we human beings go through normal stages, as we learn to cope with the new reality. First, we go into shock. We can’t believe it is happening to us. This looks different for different people. Some people might go into depression. Some people laugh all the time. Some people become despondent and start neglecting their responsibilities. Whatever it looks like for the individual, it is shock..

Second stage, and again this is human nature, we all tend to do this. I call it the bargaining stage. We try to get our lives back to what they were before, fix it so to speak. But once a major change has taken place in our life, we can NEVER go back to what it was before. We tend to compare , we start pointing finger and this is definitely true of marriages and affairs...

So we eventually come to the third stage. I call it the ‘choice’ stage. We can either carry around a chip on our shoulder for the rest of our lives, and say ‘poor me’. If it wasn’t for what this jerk or that person did, I wouldn’t be here today, and we can blame others for where we are in our lives…OR…we can CHOOSE to find the opportunities that ALWAYS present themselves in the midst of change. If you choose to find these opportunities one day you will find yourself saying “I can’t believe I’m saying this. I never thought I would ever be able to say this. As awful as that situation was back then…I am SO glad that happened to me, because if that hadn’t happened to me, I wouldn’t be in this great place today....

After all, I would think about my marriage in turmoil, all that I had lost and I would wonder if I still believed this truth…Well I can tell you today, that now I own those words about the affair…as awful and painful as it was…I am so glad that happened to me, because if it hadn’t, I wouldn’t be in this great place today. I would still be bumping along in my pre affair life, all about responsibility, not having fun or really enjoying life, still so much pain from my past, haunting me in my subconscious and affecting the way I related to others, preventing me from experiencing true freedom and joy in my life...

There are opportunities for you in this miserable, painful, difficult journey you are being FORCED (the childbirth analogy) to walk through right now. You too can have a better life as a result of this awful unfair situation. You can and will make it through this. The choice is yours…bitter or better?

p/s : I - could be you also,  : the story might not happen to me but from the observation that take a part. But  it's at least alarm everyone ~ good day everyone~